My Ace in the Hole

“Thus matters went on until four cards lay in front of each man, face up and one turned down. Not a pair in sight and everyone thought each man had an ace ‘in the hole’.” -The New Era, June 1886

He trekked across the great plains of the area rug. Traversed the savanna of the living room; the horizon line, warmly cast by the led-light of microwave clock, was all he had to guide him. His Polaris, his North Star. Stumbling over impossible obstacles (coffee tables), evading ravenous predators (his cat), and navigating endless canals (the hallway), he knew he could not quit now. Finally, twenty-three feet later, out of breath, and twenty-three feet more a hardened traveler, he made it to the refrigerator and ate an entire pizza.

My nights have carried on like that for some time. Although, I do not own a cat, the moral of the story rings mostly true. When the most exhilarating part of my day consisted of a journey from my bed to my fridge–I knew it was time for a change.

I am about to take a part in a Biggest Loser-esq/ish (biggestloser.com) style weight-loss challenge. It is to commence Monday the thirteenth–necessary gluttony celebration the night of the twelfth. My normal game plan would be to crush it the first four or so days, completely fall off the wagon, tell myself I still have so much time, not lose any weight, and never show up for the final weigh in as I hide my fat in shame.

Not this time–he says again– but for real: not this time. My confidence is even surprising myself; however, it shouldn’t come as a surprise, as I know that I have an ace-in-the-hole. My ace could be the fact that my work-place is running a weight-loss-contest at the same time as this one; but that isn’t my ace. It could be that I have never been heavier so I have never had more motivation (or more weight to lose); but that isn’t my ace. It could be that I just got engaged to the love of my life so I need now to be my best me for another; but that…. okay that one might also be part of my ace.

My ace is pre-portioned, powdered power, placed palatably in a pack!

I will be running a Joylent versus Soylent experiment alongside the Ultimate Cousin Battle Weight Loss Extravaganza Challenge 2015 (working title).

Soylent and Joylent are a new option for maintaining a balanced state of ideal nutrition, just like traditional food. Soylent and Joylent are: Healthy: their nutritional makeups include protein, carbohydrates, fats, fiber, and vitamins and minerals such as potassium, iron and calcium.

Soylent: http://www.soylent.me/
Joylent (aka European Soylent): http://joylent-blog.tumblr.com/

They are essentially food, all the nutrients a body needs, in powder form.

Packaging a day’s nutrients into a single, easy to mix, powder makes it rather easy to know one’s caloric intake, make meals, save time, save money, and not have to do dishes. Soylent and Joylent take all of the guess work out of nutrition. No, these are not weight loss products–they are food-stuff that provides an alternative to the norm.

I will run a month on nothing-but-Joylent. Take a week off. Then, I will run a month on nothing-but-Soylent. A complete post detailing each product will arrive on day one of the particular experiment. Currently both are in transit via UPS–pretty sure my Joylent is stuck in customs.

My weight-loss will be so much easier because each bag of each product contains a day’s worth of calories. I pour it in my container, shake it, and drink it throughout the day. I know that I am hitting all of my micro and macro nutrients, I know my exact caloric intake, and I know that if I stick with it–I will become healthier. When the pack is emptied–I will be full and finished. No More, No Less.

It is fool-proof… so long as I actually do it…“he, he, heh,” he laughed nervously as he waxed silently; reminiscing of tribulations past.